High there. I read my “classic” tale of drug smuggling nearly gone awry for the very awesome “Taboo Tales” podcast. Ch-ch-check it out:
As the world prepares to feast on this weekend’s “Breaking Bad” series finale, many are praising creator Vince Gilligan for delivering what may turn out to be the most celebrated, well-executed story arc in the history of television. He seems to have known absolutely everything that was going to happen, and has yet to drop the ball on a single twist or turn, leading some to believe he truly did have the entire story worked out on day one.
But, as Walt said in the pilot episode, chemistry isn’t just the study of matter, “it’s the study of change.” And there were plenty of things in the original script that became something else entirely. Here are the seven biggest abandoned ideas Gilligan wrote into the original pilot script. They’ll blow your mind harder than a snort of “the blue stuff.”
Azie Marie Dungey got a gig playing a historical slave character giving tours at George Washington’s home Mount Vernon. The real questions she was asked by real live American idiots will blow your mind. I’m in the episode featured below, but you can watch the whole series on YouTube here
I wrote and performed this in my Advanced show at the amazing Groundlings Theater in October 2012. It features the awesome Jennifer Winters and Andrew Delman on voiceover. If you’re a Howard Stern Show fan, you may recognize the hottie in the final slide as Benjy Bronk’s “Online Sweetheart” Elisa Jordana.
Rolling Stone’s “insightful” article is basically a collection of pasted together news reports from three months ago with ZERO new insights into what would make someone act like a truly evil shithead. It does quote a lot of people saying that they always had trouble pronouncing his name. A lot of them. So, that’s helpful.
It also includes THIS amazing, Pulitzer Prize worthy investigative reporting: “Much of what is known about the two years of Jahar’s life leading up to the bombing comes from random press interviews with students at UMass Dartmouth, none of whom seemed to have been particularly close with Jahar.”
If you’re going to break a bunch of people’s hearts by featuring a terrorist on the cover of your magazine in the name of journalistic integrity, you should probably make it a pretty fucking good article. And NOT one that ends with the line “nobody knows what he was crying about.” You were supposed to find out what he was crying about and tell us. Congrats Rolling Stone. You’re basically the new “Examiner.com”.#Fail
It’s my wedding anniversary. I don’t deserve my husband. No,…I’m not saying that coyly. I literally DO NOT DESERVE him. He’s nice to me ALL the time, even when I’m an asshole, which is most of the time.
In a pathetic Paula Deen style statement of victimization, I’d like to submit Exhibit A, the above photo, featuring me and my grandmother on my father’s side. During this dizzingly happy night at sickeningly quaint country inn in Vermont, she pulled me aside to let me know that my dancing wasn’t up to par, and that I wasn’t keeping time with the music.
OK, first of all,…I’m an AMAZING dancer. Like,…AMAZING. Almost TOO good.
Secondly, I was wearing a 100 pound dress with a cathedral train.
Thirdly, what the FUCK Dee Dee??? (Everyone calls my Grandmother Dee Dee)
Fourthly: No wonder my entire family is so fucked up.
Fifthly: God bless my wedding photographer, who was a photojournalist and shot my entire wedding for free. Granted, we didn’t get a great posed classic picture of my husband and I TOGETHER on our wedding day, but we got this, which is (arguably) better. There is nothing I love more than a photo that captures a real moment.
I can’t afford a shrink anymore, but Tom Petty is a high quality substitute:
Dooley J. Hornberg passed away on May 12, 2013 while being snuggled in blankets in the sunlight.
According to veterinary estimates, he was born around the year 2000. In 2005, he was found in the Silver Lake neighborhood of Los Angeles under the bridge made famous in the Red Hot Chili Peppers song “Under the Bridge”. He was presented to Liz Brown as a gift on her birthday by neighbor and famed bassist/visual artist Matt Pinkus.
After making himself at home with Liz and her husband, he revealed that held a PhD in Microbiology from University of California, Berkeley and could often be seen staring out the window pondering what the sea must be like this time of year. He became a member of the all black-and-white tuxedo cat band “The Kitties 3″ and was known for his uniquely funky bass jams.
Dooley had a brief but brilliant career in the entertainment industry, appearing in the popular YouTube comedy short “The Ending of Lost,” created by a collection of students from the world famous Groundlings Theater. You can see Dooley’s performance here
Dooley’s nose was extremely pink. He was well known to be the best cat in the household.
RIP Dooleycat. A fine friend to all who knew him.