Geraldo Rivera made a statement on Friday, “urging the parents of black and Latino youngsters particularly not to let their children go out wearing hoodies. I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin‘s death as much as George Zimmerman was.”
He later tweeted:
“Its not blaming the victim Its common sense-look like a gangsta&some armed schmuck will take you at your word…It’s just part of the undeniably unfair reality of young male black/brown life”.
This got me thinking. WHY can’t black and Latino men stop wearing such scary threatening clothes? Do they just not know how? What SHOULD young black and Latino men be wearing to appear less threatening when they go out to purchase a pack of Skittles?
Hoodies are out. Anything black is out. And NO GANG COLORS! So, depending on what city you live in, that means no red, blue, green, yellow or purple.
Orange is cool. Not a gang color. Stick to orange, and no one will ever mistake you for a dangerous felon.
SHIT! NO! WAIT! NOT ORANGE!!!
Let’s face it. For young black and Latino men to appear less threatening, it’s not just about color. Any traditional modern day garb can easily be mistaken for a hoodie in the heat of a stand-your-ground moment. They’re going to have to kick it up a notch.
Here are ten helpful suggestions for attire all young men of color should now considering wearing when they’re heading out to 7-11 for a Twix. They may not be comfortable, but they’ll make it pretty clear you’re something OTHER than a gangster. What’s the alternative? Arresting trigger happy vigilantes who shoot kids like Trayvon Martin because they’re wearing a hoodie? (Sidenote: Yes. That is the alternative.)
1. Vulcan costume – Geraldo literally tweeted: “most minority moms back me because they want their sons to live long and prosper”. Dressing Vulcan 24-7 is the “logical” next step.
2. Space suit – NO one is threatened by astronauts in space suits, because we KNOW that you can only run in slow motion. Not threatening.
3. Tuxedo with tails – How often do you hear about someone wearing a tuxedo with tails getting shot? I’m just saying. Name ONE time.
4. Wayne Brady mask – Even a few super racist people like Wayne Brady. The problem with this one is, your Zimmermans of the world aren’t looking that closely, so it also helps to couple this mask with a flashing neon t-shirt that reads “DON’T SHOOT. I’M WAYNE BRADY.”
5. Stilts – You can literally “rise above” the racial injustice.
6. Philly Phanatic costume – Confusing, yes. Threatening, no.
7.The Magical Mr. Mistoffelees from ‘Cats’ – OK,…wait. No. This one is kind of threatening. Scratch that!
8. Valet Uniform – A great way to prove you have a good reason to be in an upper middle class neighborhood even though you’re “ethnic”
9. Chiquita banana costume – Just a personal favorite. And, also, non-threatening.
If all above attempts, fail:
10. Suit of Armor – Sure, it’s a little bit heavy, but…fuck it. You should probably just stop leaving the house.